MAC + Rant

Last night there was hail.  Today, there was rain.  For those of you who know me, I LOVE rain- all types of it- heavy pouring rain to the little drizzles.  I was ready to go to my internship this morning and y dad was nice enough to drop me off to the train station to avoid getting more wet than I need to.  While I was on the train, the rain was drizzly, but nothing too bad.  As I got off the train the drizzle started to turn into an all out war between sky and the ground, and the sky was winning-hands down.  I was VERY thankful I wore my poka-dot-rain-boots (BTW: they are AWESOME!) knowing that there were probably going to be numerous puddles throughout campus.  Unfortunately, I did not have an umbrella.  I usually carry one in my bag at all times, but for some reason, it was not in my bag today.  So, I walked through the campus through the treacherous rain for about 10 minutes before  I got to work.

I was a bit worried while I was walking and my worry is kind of silly- and VERY girly.  I was worried the make-up I put on this morning would be smeared and gross looking by the time I got to work.  As I walked into I work, I headed straight to the bathroom to do any touch-ups and reapplying of the makeup and much to my surprise… nothing was smeared, running, or looked bad.  It was as though I did not walk in the rain.  However, every other part of me,  hair, coat, pants, were ALL wet!  I looked like I got out of a shower with my clothes on.

So a big thank you and shout out to MAC Cosmetics.  I don’t wear a lot of make-up but when I do, I can always count on you to make me feel pretty, even when it rains :D

A random rant:

I am getting really frustrated with my guitar- Jeremiah (that’s His name, and yes, its a boy!).  It’s an Jasmine Takamine guitar that is probably about as old as me if not older.  I got it as a gift when I first started playing 6 years ago, and I am thankful I had a guitar to play with while I began to learn the tricks and musicality of guitar-ring. The guitar was in pretty bad shape when I got it, warped wood, holes, high action, etc., but I was grateful to have something to play.  As I continue in my writing, I have begun to get frustrated with Jeremiah.  He’s sounding worse and worse everyday.  It’s really discouraging while writing and practicing for various things.  I now find myself moving to the piano a lot more, which is nice, but it’s not the same.

Here’s to hoping I one day get that pretty (and VERY expensive) guitar I play in my dreams in the near future.  *sigh*

The bible in a year….

When we make New Years resolutions, we try really hard to keep up with it as far as we can.  I usually last a month and then I get back to bad habits and old routines.  This past year, I really wanted to read the whole bible, cover to cover, this year.  I think i set out this task every year, and I usually fail miserably…. I have read the book of Genesis MANY times :)

This year, it was a little different.  There was a bunch of people that I follow on twitter, and in my church community that wanted to take this task on.  Good friend and older brother Eddie C. took the initiative and made a spreadsheet on google docs (I LOVE GOOGLE) of our reading tasks for the year.  We just check of every time we read.  Not only were you helping yourself read through the bible, but you had others could others see your progress, and keep you accountable.  Looking through the list, it seems like some fell through the crack and others kept up with the reading.

Due to some family reasons, I won’t be in the states for some of December, and internet connection will be lacking… so updating the document will be difficult.  So…I am determined to finish the bible by December 10th!  I have 37 days worth of reading left!  I think I can totally do it.  School is slowing down a lot, and I usually read during my 1.5-2 hour commute to work… so I think its totally doable!

I really hope this works…

Reading.....

WISDOM

I get wisdom from all over the place: my parents, family, friends, co-workers, advisers, church leaders, books, lectures, etc.  I am pretty blessed to gain insightful, thought-provoking wisdom on a daily basis.   I know that seems hard to imagine, but in all the advice, rebuke, “talks” I have with people, I try to learn something from it.  It’s what I have been learning in school called the “Life Long Learning” process or being a “Life Long Learner.” Being a lifelong learner means, listening to others stories, learning from their mistakes and accomplishments, appreciating the value of others lives through interaction, and ultimately sharing it with others to learn.  A life long learning process :)

Anyway… today was no different.  I was having a very meh day with lots on my mind and God blessed me with some AWESOME girlfriends in my life, and two of them were just shooting wisdom left and right.  Some of the things they said were like “dah Briana, everyone knows that” and other were like… “WOW!” and eye-opening  I wanted to share these things with you, so you can share it with others.  I hope you are blessed by it.  (Disclaimer: they are in no real order, and they are from two conversations, so it is a bit random)

• Don’t ever forget the kindness someone shows towards you, even if its decades later.
• Christ would never guilt trip you at your weakest point.
• Prayer is the answer to everything.  When you pray it’s not to inform God something He doesn’t know already but its our form of submitting ourselves in His hands.  The more we rely, the more sincere we become, the clearer the answers will be,
• God wants us to fight for justice… always.
• Open up your eyes.  When your eyes are focused on your frustrations, they are not focused on where YOU CAN do something.
• When all the chaos in this world in our lives seems impossible to deal with, you have to realize that the answer isn’t you, the answer is Jesus.  Jesus in a broken situation, in broken trusts in broken relationships.  We have to love people like God loves us.

You girls know who you are!  Thank you for making my night make sense again in the midst of my frustrations and weakness.  I will not share their names cause they are ALL MINE! *insert evil laugh here* That is right, I am selfish about my girls :-D

Don’t forget to subscribe and comment on the blog… I’d love to hear from you!!!

I’m doing everything to distract myself from writing a paper… AWESOME!

A  big thank you to all who have read my blog recently.  I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement to continue writing and even received some great council on all the marriage stuff! :)  Just so everyone knows, I’m seeking God’s wisdom in my life, putting His kingdom perspective first before the worlds and my own.  I know the marriage post might have caused people to think I’m being bitter or doubtful about this whole process… let me assure you.. I have NO doubt in my mind in WHO is in control. :)

Now with that said… WAT UP BLOGGERS?!  I’ve been feeling under the weather lately, and am finally recovering from the sickies.  I am doing everything right now (including writing this blog post) to avoid a paper… I just don’t know where else to go from what I have written so far, so I’m taking a break :)

In my break, I have edited photos and will be uploading them on facebook.  I have also stared at my books (seen below) thinking maybe somehow I will get some sort of drive to write again… because I have not.. I shall post some pics on the blog :)

I need to write about Leadership... any thoughts?

A few weeks ago, I was able to attend a friends wedding.  Libu and Reeja asked me to sing for the wedding, and I gladly accepted!  It was a fun night with some really good people!  Here are some images of the night.

Jenny, Myself and Leena... my lovely girls!

Leju, the best man, breaking it down Michael Jackson style :)

Libu and Reeja on the dance floor!

This past weekend I was able to go to my friend Subin’s 24th birthday dinner at California Pizza Kitchen (CPK). It was really nice to catch up and hang with people I’ve known from high school and college.   I’ve known Subin since freshman year of high school, and our friendship has grown quite a bit since then.  It grew from an acquaintance/hi-bye relationship, to a  love/hate relationship… We both LOVE to HATE on each other :)  Happy Birthday Bro!

The crazy Kobe/Laker fan, and the Birthday Boy :)

CAKE!

Subin feeding his sister! I just HAD to put this up! Too adorable!

The group shot... we were the last people there at CPK!

Ok, I’ll get back to doing my paper… ORRRR I’ll make something to eat… :)

SIDE NOTE: New HIMYM and TBBT tonight!  YAY Monday night comedy!!!!!  So, I should get on this paper.. right? MAN!

Marriage…

I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time now.  I think today is the day to talk about it… its long.. and kind of all over the place.. so bear with me.

I’m 22 years old (22.5 to be exact :D) and I have been getting the “marriage” talk from my parents, community members, family, etc. for a while now.  My parents have always been atypical Indian parents.  They told me since I was 18 to find a boyfriend, get to know guys, and such.  I think them giving me the “OK” to date made me not want to, but I think I was just living life, and finding who I was/am as a woman before adding another person to that mix.  I’m sure there were many other factors, but I was just not THAT interested.

I can say that having a boyfriend, and being in a relationship has never been the most important thing in my life.  Don’t get me wrong, I have seriously liked boys (ok it was like one person :P) , and there were moments I wanted to be in relationships because the lonelyness sucked so much.  But I think I never acted on any of those urges because I feared what would happen to me, to the person, and frankly… I was afraid of the commitment (yes, a girl CAN be afraid of commitment).  I knew I could openly tell my parents what was going on, and I knew that I wouldn’t get “in trouble” by them… but I think I knew deep inside that I wasn’t ready.

I am SO thankful God saved me from much of the heartache during my high school and teenage years.  During those moments, it sucked being the single friend, but I was SO not into the drama that came with young “love.”  I look back, and I see how lucky I was to be protected like that.  It was nothing I did, it was nothing I said, it was God just being very persistent with my heart and giving me MUCH grace and mercy through the growing up process.

So for 22.5  years I have been single :D, and I am proud to say that I have survived.  Now… its starting to get a little difficult to be just single girl in our Indian community.  I love my family and friends, but the pressures to find someone, get married, and start a family have been getting to me.  Does that sound crazy to anyone else, or is it just me? START A FAMILY!!??

THAT is such a HUGE statement… family!  I had a conversation with my friend Lejini, and from this conversation, I was just reminded how NOT ready I am for a relationship.  I have so much to work on.  Here are some things we thought of (most of it was Lejini’s wisdom): learning how to cook (like really cook different meals- same ole meal won’t cut it), manage my finances, learn how to live on a budget, manage work (real full-time work) with family responsibilities, time management, and many more.

Now I know I won’t learn EVERYTHING or perfect everything by the time I find someone or even get married; a lot of these will be learned in the process and throughout marriage.  Anyway… after that conversation with Lej, I was just overwhelmed with these thoughts and started gaining this new perspective: I gotta do my part and start preparing.  Not like I was preparing before, but ACTIVLEY preparing… knowing full well that one day I will be in a relationship that should eventually lead to marriage.  Now this could happen within the year- ten years from now.  I have no issue with the time… but my parents do :)

So with that said… I think its fair to say marriage is just a scary thought.  I have a lot of friends that are getting married, and its hard to think that there is purpose in waiting, and purpose in being single when marriage and the talk of weddings and relationships are all around you… THERE IS PURPOSE!!!! You gotta be the best you can be for your future spouse… not perfect, but the best you can offer them through God’s grace.

Now, I’m sure my outlook on waiting patiently might not bring me “the guy” as quickly as my parents or the community wants me to… but you know what… I can say this with confidence that I am not living for them. I love them, I love them with all my heart… but I live for something bigger and better than me.  It’s been so hard living back at home and dealing with the pressures everyday, but I’m getting by, and I have some AMAZING people in my life who support and understand what I’m going through, even if they are the ones pressuring me :)

so as a good friend once said: “i’m glad i’m still searching, cuz i’m still actively preparing”

Here’s to preparing and waiting on God’s time wisely.

The Fray- September 13, 2009

So a few friends of mine and I went to go see The Fray earlier this month!  I have tried many a times to cover this band.. and failed!  But I must say, they are just amazing live!  I have my reasons to love them… some personal… others just musical.  They are amazing, so CHECK THEM OUT if you haven’t seen them live.

After the concert, my friends Rincey, Leena and I did a bit of a stake out to meet them.  We were unsuccessful, but we got pretty close to meeting them.  You can read about our adventure on Rincey’s blog, cause I can’t even put it into words weeks later :-)  It’s a long post, but DEF worth the read :-)

Ok, I’m off to write some music… or attempt to. Here’s to hoping for some success!

2 years….

Today was hard.  It started off terribly: emotionally and relationally, and then it’s been two years.

You would think that being on vacation I would just be relaxing… and it has been, but today just sucked.  I can’t believe its been 2 years since Binil has passed and it still sucks and it still hurts.  I have no words to express how I feel other than it sucks.

*sigh* It’s a part of life I guess.

Pushing through…

I guess I’m back……. for now :-)

It’s been a long time I know, and I’m not going to make any promises about updating regularly, cause I usually fail.  But today.. I wanted to write… publicly… about where I am at.

By the grace of God, I was able to graduate on May 10,2009.  Few weeks ago, I got my diploma in the mail, and today I got the framed diploma.  It looks mighty pretty :-).   I got the package for the framed diploma, and as I began to open it, I got this overwhelming feeling that I couldn’t quite describe.  I was so thankful that I made it through 4 years of undergrad, and even a little proud of myself of all my accomplishments while at UIC.  However, feelings of unworthiness and just shock and awe of making it started to settle in as well.

It’s so crazy to think that four years ago, I was freaking out about my roommate, getting extra long twin sheets, and decor for my soon to be home.  I would have never thought that my college experience would be ending as quickly as it started.  So the framed diploma brought all these feelings and emotions…. and that usually means a song can come into fruition.  But it didn’t.

Which comes to my second point… I have been in such a weird place as far as writing music goes.  I have tired just about everything: Listening to depressing and uplifting music (and getting suggestions from people of said music), talking to people about their issues/experiences, Going through old journals (which is painful in in of itself), and just sitting down and TRYING to write.  Nothing.  I’ve gotten down maybe 4 phrases that make sense, but not with each other.

Frustration is an understatement

But yeah… I think that is all I want to share.  If you have something you think that could inspire me to get out of my writing block I would REALLY appreciate it!

Happy Dayz-Bri

*Sigh*

Yeah, its been too long… and I’ve been told that I better get on my blogging, so I will try, like I say in just about every blog post.

So much has been going on, and I myself can’t wrap my brain around it. Growing up, doing “big-girl” things, “big-girl” decisions, and a slew of other “big-girl” stuff can get to a girl! I feel like every day, I am doubting, exciting, unsure, and worried about all the things to come in my life.  All I know is that on May 10, 2009 (56 days away) is graduation day (not that i’m counting down or anything :-P).

It’s not like I’m not looking for jobs/assistantships and applying to schools, cause I am.  Right now, I’m interviewing, putting myself out there and WAITING!  MAN.. waiting is so hard!  Waiting on life, and what God wants for you sounds like it would be no big deal, but I have found myself so restless, so uneasy about all aspects of my life.

Thankfully, I read a note on facebook from a sister, Reeja G.  She just helped opened my eyes as to why waiting is so hard, and the purpose behind waiting.  It’s hard to swallow at times (cause i felt a mirror was facing me and i saw my own faithlessness), but it was a great reminder of the promises that I know is true.  I would like to share with the blog world what Reeja shared… I hope you guys are blessed by it like I was.

Waiting…-Reeja G.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about waiting. According to dictionary.com, one of the definitions posted for the word “wait” is to look forward to eagerly. Well said. In today’s culture, the concept of waiting is not particularly well-regarded. Everything seems to be instant. For example, there’s the express checkout at the grocery store, drive-thru’s at fast foods places, Internet that has a wealth of information at our fingertips (including e-mail, instant messaging, Twitter, etc.), developing technologies (GPS versus Mapquest, Mapquest versus calling people for directions, calling people versus mapping it out yourself), and the list goes on. We live in a culture of instant gratification. What we want, we get, and we get it NOW!

Unfortunately, this fast-paced culture in which we live is not something esteemed in the Bible. If we take a look at the word “wait”, it is mentioned over 100 times in the Bible. Obviously, God thought it was an important concept considering the amount of times this word appears in the Word.

We all go through seasons of waiting. Someone might be waiting for the right person to marry. Someone else might be waiting to get out of a horrendous job situation. Yet others may be suffering poor health and waiting to get better. Right now, I find myself in a season of waiting. And can I tell you, the season of waiting is not quite an easy one! Why is it so difficult? And yet, why does the Bible repeat, over and over, to “wait on the Lord?”

One reason why waiting is hard is because of our sinful nature- the nature of wanting things now. We like to take matter into our own hands, and do things our way, in OUR time. In Isaiah 55:8, it says, “ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.” The thing is, the way you want it is never nearly as good as what the Lord plans.

I am reminded of the Israelites as I am in my own season of waiting. After the Lord uses Moses to deliver the Israelites out of Egypt, they grumble each time that they come to another challenge. How quickly they forget all the great things that God had done for them- parting the Red Sea, cursing the Egyptians with the plagues, and the list goes on. And how often I forget the seasons that God has brought me through, the blessings, the joys! What am I really saying when I take matters into my own hands while I should be waiting?

*That God isn’t sufficient enough? Well, 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

*That God doesn’t know what He’s doing? In the same chapter of Isaiah mentioned before, it clearly states that His ways aren’t our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts.

I believe that when we wait on the Lord, there are benefits. With waiting comes blessing. Isaiah 40:31 says “but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

Moreover, Lamentations 3:25-26 states the following: “The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.”

Are you in a season of waiting? I don’t know what situation you might be going through, but I do know that life is full of waiting. My challenge to you today is to wait for the Lord. Let’s keep our eyes fixed on the One who doesn’t fail us, on the One who has compassion on us like a father has compassion on His children, the One who has promised to never leave us nor forsake us. Let’s look ahead, praying that the Lord would equip us with exactly what we need (not always what we want) to accomplish the task set before us.

Psalm 62:5-6
5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
6 He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.

I feel renewed…

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, finding my place in this universe kind of searching…. I will blog about what I found and how I feel more renewed… but I must go to bed because my first day of class it tomorrow (I get Mondays and Fridays off YAY) Its my LAST semester as an undergraduate, so I’m going to make it count :-)

I did not forget about the whole relationship/ “you need to get married” thing I mentioned in earlier blog posts… that too will be coming soon.

My back hurts like no other!  I might sleep on the floor tonight :-(

Currently listening to: “Hear us From Heaven” Jared Anderson