The last two months…

I know I am late in saying this, but better late than never I say!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! Hope it’s a blessed one for you all!

The last two months of 2009 was a very difficult time for my family and myself.  I haven’t updated the blog during December because of all that was happening, and frankly, I didn’t know how to put what was going on and what I was feeling into words.  I think to really get over the hump, I gotta just let it out.

In November, we found out that my Ammachi (grandma- on my dad’s side) had stage 4 breast cancer.  The news made my heart sink to my stomach.  My mom told us that our plans to go to India in June 2010 to see her as to be pushed up, because that is not good news.  Moving the trip up would mean that I would miss a lot of the Christmas and youth fellowship festivities here in Chicago, but that didn’t matter at that point.  I was ready to jet a plane to see her.

We left on Dec 11th and got to India on Dec 13.  The flight was nice and getting to India was so surreal.  Reba, my younger sister, hadn’t been in India for 7 years, and Reny, the youngest sister, and I hadn’t been back to the motherland sine 2005… so it was nice to take it all in.  When we got to my dad’s house, my Ammachi was waiting for us… it was SO great to see her.  For a little less than 10 days, my family and I were able to spend some amazing time with her.  She would sing old songs, tell us stories (mostly about how mischievous my dad was :D), and laugh with us about everything.

Ammachi and Me the day of her Chemo treatment

Though she was in high spirits, she was really sick.  She couldn’t walk a few feet without wheezing and using a cane.  She did just about everything herself except taking a bath.  With how bad her cancer was, the doctors gave her the lowest treatment of chemo the Monday we got there.  From the 14th-20th of December, she was doing fine.  She had the side-effects from the chemo, but it was not THAT bad.

After one of my uncles left to go back to Kuwait on the 20th, my ammachi began to change.  She wasn’t her old self- she was definitely sad… like she knew her time was coming to a close.  When my uncle left, she cried- longer than usual when one of her kids leave- and asked me, “Will I ever see him again?”  I didn’t know what to say, I just hugged her.  She then began having difficulty with various things.

On the 21st, she began to get worse.. all of a sudden.  She became delirious, could not walk or hold her body up well… all things she could do before, but suddenly couldn’t do anymore.  At 11am we took her to the hospital thinking she would be back that evening.  The doctor asked for her to stay the night for observations.  My sisters and I along with my dad’s youngest sister Jessie Chechy (who is mentally handicapped), stayed at the house that night.  I was woken up early on the 22nd by Sarasamma (a person who helps around the house and lives with us) crying saying that Ammachy is getting worse.

My favorite picture of the whole trip taken on Dec 14, 2009... I miss her.

I woke up in total shock.  She was just fine, she was suppose to be back in the afternoon.. not get worse.  After talking to my dad, he told us that it was the final stage and that if we wanted to come to the hospital to see her, to come now.  Our cousin picked us up, and we went to go see her in the ICU.  There is only 1-2 people that could enter to see family, so my mom came with me.  I was the first of the sisters to see her… part of me wishes I never went to see her.  She had an oxygen mask, unconscious and coma-like, and gasping for breath.  I saw her and tears began to flow down my eyes.  It was so quick….  I spoke into her ear and told her I was there, and that everything was going to be ok and that I loved her.

My sisters and I saw her, and went back to the house.  We got home, they moved Ammachi to a private room, and gave her the last ceremonies given by the church.  She died on Dec 22, 2009 at 12:24m at the age of 78, with my dad and her one daughter by her side and a room full of her siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews, extended family and friends all singing and praising together.  She passed peacefully and did not suffer for a long time- something we as a family prayed for.

We buried her on December 26th and the days till the 26th was long and very draining.  It was probably the LONGEST 4 days of my life.  There were a minimum of 4 prayer meetings everyday at the house, and there was a lot of crying and weeping.  I was pretty strong for the most part.  Even when the brought the body to the house on the morning of the 26th… I teared up, but I knew she was in heaven and that she was probably laughing it up with Appacha (grandfather). She had been sick her whole life with asthma, diabetes, high blood pressure… etc.  It was her time to go… and she went peacefully.

I firmly believe that God let her live those 9-10 days to see us and spend time with us.  Of all the cousins and families, my family is the one that has seen her the least… and it was time for us to spend time with her.  We had the opportunity to serve her, be with her, laugh with her, and more.  Furthermore, my dad got to really spend some time with her and serve her till the very end- nothing short of a blessing fro above.  I thought I was “strong” for the most part; however, I lost it when I gave her the final kiss goodbye… All I thought was: “What is going to happen to our family?” “What is going to happen to Jessie Chechy?” “What is going to happen…?”

She was the beacon, the light, the glue of our family.. and now she is gone.

The Chicago women with Ammachi

I was really afraid of the future… but throughout the whole funeral process, I saw very clearly how much God’s hand was over everything.  All 12 brothers and sisters, dropped what the were doing and came to the funeral.  Of the 51 people in our family, (yes that the number in just my dad’s family) only 9 people did not come due to various reasons.  There was such togetherness, strength, faith, and love being spread in the midst of the sadness.  God protected us from all of Satan’s attacks, peoples unwanted and unnecessary talking, the weather, and even our own doubts.  He provided and protected… Praise God!

Though it was very sad, it was good to see just about everyone- and bond once again… like we’ve never been apart before.  I am blessed and so happy that I am part of a huge family.  My cousins range from the age of 28 to 5 months… and there is 28 of us in total… and counting (getting to 30 would be a nice solid number in my opinion!)

Right now, we are together and strong in the Lord because the love and prayers my Appacha and Ammachi showed to us.  They both were amazing examples of people who had complete faith in their Jesus, their God.. and now.. our God.  Who else in their right mind would have 12 kids in India, running a small business?  They knew their God was bigger than the words of doubts of the people around them… Their God was able.  Amen to their faith.

I end this blog off with some pictures of the cousins, family, and our trip in general to India…Enjoy the pictures, and please keep our family in your prayers.  This is a very vulnerable time, and Satan can easily attack… prayer and faith is all we have.

Mom, Reny, Reba and myself in an auto-ricksha

Placing Ammachi's picture on the bed in the living room before all the prayers begin.

My aunt and Ammachi celebrating their bithdays for the first time in November. Ammachi turned 78.

Joel, Vijin, and Abel... all three of them are big troublemakers :D

Vigin, Reny, Reba, Angela, Me, and Albin

Most of the cousins (there are 28 of us.. so there is a chunk mising) Lt to Rt: Vijin, Albin, Jessie Chechi, Sherin Chechi, Reba, Vini, Nissi, Me, Linda, Reny, Angela, Shibin Chacha, and on top Sherlyn Chechi, Nebin and Jebin

These are my dad's brothers! :D Only two brother-in-laws are in the picture and they are the second person to the left and right. They all look alike I know!

This is just my dad’s side of the family.  We were able to go to Rani, where my mom is from, and see some of my cousins, aunts, uncle, and of course my only living ammachi.  Here are a few pictures of them.

Febin and Feba: the youngest grandkids on my mom side- and I'm the oldest :)

The little ones- not so little anymore: From left- Feba, Febin, Jenny, Joel, and Jibin

Reba, Reny, and myself with our ammachi. They say Reny and I look a lot like our mom- we get her good looks from our ammachi :)

My mom's brother passed away in 2008 and his family is now living in Bombay. We really wanted to see them, so they came for a few days to Kerala. Because of ammachi's death, we didn't get to spend much time with them, but we had about two hours with them when they came over to my dad's place. This is Jerin (my mom's sisters son), Sneha, Narmadamamma, and Shinu. I was so glad we got to see them- even for a little bit. The little ones- my uncle's kids- remind me so much of him.

Sneha and Shinu with my dad

It was a VERY bittersweet trip… but in the midst of the bitterness and sweetness- God really protected His kids.  For that I’m thankful.  I don’t know if I will ever get over the loss- it is totally different from any of the other losses I have expereinced- but I am comforted in the fact that she is with Jesus and her legacy will live on through her kids and grandkids.

1 Thessalonians 4 (English Standard Version)

¹³But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. ¹⁴For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁵For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. ¹⁸Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Labor Day Trip to Dallas :-)

This past Labor Day Weekend, my family and I decided to go out to Dallas!  It was a last minute trip, we found cheap tickets and it just happened!  We go to Dallas pretty frequently.  My dad’s younger brother lives out there, and they recently had a baby girl two months ago.  Seeing them in any capacity is the highlight of our year!  The kids make my parents feel young, and being around them really gives my sisters and I a closer sense of family that we have never experienced.  It’s hard to describe that feeling, but I can say that I am blessed every time I see them.

Here are some pictures of my babies!  They are adorable! :-)

Rayna and Me: They say we look a like. Do you see it?

Joel- He's our little prince

Riya: She is just beautiful

I’ll leave you all with my favorite picture.  It’s not the best quality, but Joel is just PRICELESS in it!

Joel Praying... Really Hard! :-)

What a woman…

This morning I had the opportunity to speak to my ammachi (grandma) from India.  She is my mom’s mom, and she’s is one heck of a woman.  I was talking to her about life, school, job process, etc., nothing too fancy.  As I was talking in my broken Malayalam (which is fairly good) she just stopped me and said, “Sweety, I pray for you everyday, and I know only good things will come for you.  Don’t worry about jobs, marriage, and your education.  God has already provided all that for you.  Just be patient and wait for the Lord’s time….  I don’t have much to give you, but I will give you my prayers for as long as I live.”

I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t tear up.  My ammachi has gone through hell and back for her family.  She has seen it all: the good, the bad, and the straight up FUGLY of life.  Her words of encouragement and reassurance of God’s plan was EXACTLY what I needed to hear.  As she encouraged me, I was in awe of how one woman’s fervency in prayer has blessed the course of those in her life.  I can bet my life on the fact that her prayers on our behalf have a lot to do with any success my family has ever had.

So this morning was my wake-up call to NOT WORRY! That’s right, the spastic, worry-wart: Briana Mathew just said that!  WAAD UUP? :-D  This realization only came cause of an amazing woman of God.

And What a Woman she is!

These next 2 weeks are going to kill me!

Weekend fun with the family:
It was such a good weekend this past weekend. This summer was super busy and crazy with weddings, dances, GRE classes, summer school, oh and a full time job. It’s been so busy that I really didn’t have the time to really see the family and hang with them. Other than hanging out for Jaimy Philip’s birthday party at Dave and Busters, it was all about the family. We had a few relatives come over and stay with us, and we just did life with each other i guess. It was good to just be with them… YAY, hopefully there will be more of this in the future

Weeks from Hell:
So, now that summer school is over, I’m just working.. working like a dog on so much stuff… It’s totally fun, but it can be so draining!  We have our last week of training for RHA (Residence Hall Association) along with all the last minute NSD stuff that needs to get done!  I’m SO tired, and exhausted, but ehh.. gotta pull through!

Dealing with a lot of just STUFF… so keep me in your prayers if you remember!  Going to try to be posting here once a week.. but no promises!

Three Weeks….

I feel like this past month or so has been nothing but God breaking me into little pieces…

First, my uncle passed away.  In all honesty, I didn’t care too much, because of what I thought i knew of him.  But i soon came to realize that he was changing this ways and came to the Lord.  It broke me cause I didn’t trust God the way I could have.  It just shows, very clearly to me, that the God I serve IS MIGHTY TO SAVE.  It’s been rough on my family because he was 36 years old, and he left a wife and two young kids behind, but God didn’t let them go, so it’s reassuring.  It’s just a a multitude emotions for everyone… but we’re getting through…Never will Forget

So… this summer is WORKOUT 2008 for me and a few of the girls in the city with me.  It’s been crazy cause not only am I transforming my body.. literally, my perspective of my "body image" is slowly changing as well.  For those of you who don’t know this, you’ll know now that i’m SO INSECURE about myself.  I don’t come off that way, but I am.  It’s been good, this change, this physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual change… but it’s been so hard. 

When I mean by hard, i’m saying I’m getting these ridiculous growing pains.  People are hurtful, the past comes to haunt me, and people… people suck a lot of the times.  I’m seriously making through this crazy month only by God’s grace.

Any whoo… life has been hard, but good!  I know that makes no sense, but trust me… I’m ok even if i look like a truck hit me!

I wanted to add a picture of a dance that we did for BAnee… It’s been a while since i’d dance, and I think it’s been such great therapy for me.  Ne whoo.. picture is brought to you by NMathaiPhotography… Nate’s pretty cool I must say!  Enjoy the picture and check him out!

Have a great day guys,
Bri

Sadness…

My uncle passed away this morning in India from internal bleeding of the lung. He’s the fourth child on my mom’s side of the family. My mom is the oldest and has two younger sisters, and two younger brothers. I guess she just has one younger brother now….

I don’t know much that is going on, but please keep my mom and my aunt in your prayers as they are traveling to India today or tomorrow…

I don’t know how to feel, or what to say, but I’m just going to go to class and work and try to process this all…

God is still Good…

Snap Back to Reality

I’m back in the Windy City! The drive up was nice from Louisiana, and my dad actually gave me the car to drive… so it was nice to actually be up and drive, jamming to some tunes. But I must admit I really didn’t want to come back.

When we decided to go to Shreveport, LA (that’s in Louisiana for those who didn’t know), I was hesitant to go because I had so much to do. We decided the day before that we were for sure going so I tagged along. Plus I was the only person in my family that hadn’t seen Joel, my baby cuz. The moment we got there, it was just awesome. We didn’t do much touristy things or anything that special. We stayed in almost all the time and just played with Riya and Joel (my little cousins). Riya is 5 and Joel is 16 months, and I pretty much fell in love with them… especially my little man Joel. (I know I shouldn’t have favorites… but he’s mine)

My sisters always talked about how amazingly well behaved and insanely cute Joel was when they first saw him, and I believed them but thought that they were maybe a bit dramatic about it. I now understand why they could never stop talking about him… he’s just a breath of fresh air.

Joel is always happy and if he every cries it’s only for like a minute and he finds something to be happy about.  Finding joy in the little things that God created is his thing… it was an inspiring thing to watch him walk and play the few days we were with him. His older sister Riya is so adorable. When she grows up, I will have to home school her cause she is just beautiful. All she wants is people to be with her and love her, and she got LOADS of that when we were there.

My whole family had such a great time there, and my parents felt 20 years younger with the kids around. Having four women in the house is a lot of estrogen in one place, so my dad really loved having his Joel Kuttan. Let’s just say that me and my sisters were jealous how much attention my dad gave him… it was cute If you go through my picasa page, you’ll see TONS of pictures of them.

The whole trip made me really understand why Jesus said to have faith like a child. The little munchkins faith in their parents, and in the people that love them showed me to trust God the way these kids trusted. I never in my life knew I could love someone SO much that it almost brought me to tears to leave. I guess it’s the fact that I didn’t have any cousins growing up around me (even though I have over 50 around the world). It was just so great… I MISS THEM! WAH!!!

OK… back to reality! Enjoy the pictures!

My Joel and Riya

Joel and Reba… Look at his smile :-D

My dad and his son… yeah we were jealous

Ren and Riya

Joel doing the Superman

Joel, our little prince

My Babies and me at a Garden in Shreveport:  Joel was a bit tired

More pictures in Picasa!

Really Dad?!? Really?

So… My dad has a facebook. Yup.. my dad… Mr. Yohannan Mathew has a facebook.  He told me for weeks that he did, but I didn’t believe him until I found it today.  My dad is crazy!  Be his friend, he’s cool… i guess!

Vaca!!!

That’s right…. I’m on VACATION… (that’s right, I take vacations…sometimes… ok not in a while)…with the family.  It’s not that it’s a bad thing that I’m on vacation with them.  I just haven’t been on a vacation with them in a long while.  I have a TON to say about the vaca, but I’m still enjoying it and i’ll update everyone about it later…

However, I do want to rant about the weather in Chicago!  SERIOUSLY?!?  It’s MARCH, right?!  The END of March?!?  Why has it been snowing?  Don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE snow; however, I’m kind of over it and want the sun back with some warm weather mixed in.

Before I went on the much needed vacation, I decided to shovel the snow.  But I didn’t only do it for my house, no no, I did it for the Appachen who lives next door, and for the family that we are house sitting for when they are off to India.  That is THREE (3) houses, front and backyards!  Usually Reny, my youngest sister, tags along and helps out, but she had to pack for the trip and I was all alone in this endeavor.  It was still lightly snowing, but it eventually ended when I was done with the three houses.  I was so tired from shoveling the snow that I just passed out afterward.

The next morning, at around 3:30am, I woke up to get the car ready for our trip to Louisiana.  I got a good chunk of our lungage by the kitchen door and I was ready to go out and put it all in the car.  I opened the door and…. IT’S STILL SNOWING! I mean SERIOUSLY!?!? It was a good inch of snow on the ground.  I was so annoyed with the weather.  I managed to shovel a path to our garage, very angerly, and loaded the car up.

My dad said, “God didn’t give us a white Christmas, so He gave us a white Easter.”  It was adorable the way he said it, so it made my mood a bit better.

This comes to my last point of this entry:  HAPPY EASTER! We are RESCUED Ya’ll.. let’s REJOICE! (*doing happy dance*) It’s just been an INSANE passion week for me.  Even though I wasn’t at church cause of school, I was just so blessed this season.  I totally look at the cross and the idea of the cross so differently.  The things Jesus had to go through so that I can live is no joke guys.  Our sins come with such a GREAT cost… and I’m so glad I have a best friend like Jesus to have my back the way He does.  So AMEN!

Right now, my little cousin, Joel, is waking up from his nap.  He’s been sleeping right next to me this whole time… ahh… the stories I have about this little kid…  Time to go entertain him.

Ciao,
Briana

PS:  Jason Mraz has been on my playlist for a while now… don’t know that is going to change :-D