I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time now. I think today is the day to talk about it… its long.. and kind of all over the place.. so bear with me.
I’m 22 years old (22.5 to be exact :D) and I have been getting the “marriage” talk from my parents, community members, family, etc. for a while now. My parents have always been atypical Indian parents. They told me since I was 18 to find a boyfriend, get to know guys, and such. I think them giving me the “OK” to date made me not want to, but I think I was just living life, and finding who I was/am as a woman before adding another person to that mix. I’m sure there were many other factors, but I was just not THAT interested.
I can say that having a boyfriend, and being in a relationship has never been the most important thing in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I have seriously liked boys (ok it was like one person :P) , and there were moments I wanted to be in relationships because the lonelyness sucked so much. But I think I never acted on any of those urges because I feared what would happen to me, to the person, and frankly… I was afraid of the commitment (yes, a girl CAN be afraid of commitment). I knew I could openly tell my parents what was going on, and I knew that I wouldn’t get “in trouble” by them… but I think I knew deep inside that I wasn’t ready.
I am SO thankful God saved me from much of the heartache during my high school and teenage years. During those moments, it sucked being the single friend, but I was SO not into the drama that came with young “love.” I look back, and I see how lucky I was to be protected like that. It was nothing I did, it was nothing I said, it was God just being very persistent with my heart and giving me MUCH grace and mercy through the growing up process.
So for 22.5 years I have been single :D, and I am proud to say that I have survived. Now… its starting to get a little difficult to be just single girl in our Indian community. I love my family and friends, but the pressures to find someone, get married, and start a family have been getting to me. Does that sound crazy to anyone else, or is it just me? START A FAMILY!!??
THAT is such a HUGE statement… family! I had a conversation with my friend Lejini, and from this conversation, I was just reminded how NOT ready I am for a relationship. I have so much to work on. Here are some things we thought of (most of it was Lejini’s wisdom): learning how to cook (like really cook different meals- same ole meal won’t cut it), manage my finances, learn how to live on a budget, manage work (real full-time work) with family responsibilities, time management, and many more.
Now I know I won’t learn EVERYTHING or perfect everything by the time I find someone or even get married; a lot of these will be learned in the process and throughout marriage. Anyway… after that conversation with Lej, I was just overwhelmed with these thoughts and started gaining this new perspective: I gotta do my part and start preparing. Not like I was preparing before, but ACTIVLEY preparing… knowing full well that one day I will be in a relationship that should eventually lead to marriage. Now this could happen within the year- ten years from now. I have no issue with the time… but my parents do :)
So with that said… I think its fair to say marriage is just a scary thought. I have a lot of friends that are getting married, and its hard to think that there is purpose in waiting, and purpose in being single when marriage and the talk of weddings and relationships are all around you… THERE IS PURPOSE!!!! You gotta be the best you can be for your future spouse… not perfect, but the best you can offer them through God’s grace.
Now, I’m sure my outlook on waiting patiently might not bring me “the guy” as quickly as my parents or the community wants me to… but you know what… I can say this with confidence that I am not living for them. I love them, I love them with all my heart… but I live for something bigger and better than me. It’s been so hard living back at home and dealing with the pressures everyday, but I’m getting by, and I have some AMAZING people in my life who support and understand what I’m going through, even if they are the ones pressuring me :)
so as a good friend once said: “i’m glad i’m still searching, cuz i’m still actively preparing”
Here’s to preparing and waiting on God’s time wisely.
awww I’m glad you posted about this hun….and I love how my first suggestion of being prepared had to do with food =) Having been single for a half a year more than you =P, I have to say it doesn’t get easier but singleness isn’t meant to be easy, we’d be crazy if we didn’t long to have a significant other…God made us that way..so lets continue helping each other actively prepare…we’ll have a cook-off in December, ok yes I’m still thinking about food =)
oh and i forgot how old i am….i mean 1 year longer =)
Hey bri! check this out…. I understand where your coming from, but there are a lot more important things at hand. Focus on the kingdom of God and it will surely be a testimony of your faith in God’s provision. Your only 22.5, you definitely have plenty of time. (trust me, I know 30 yr olds just getting married and they couldn’t be happier or wealthier.) I know you have it in you, so shake off the love bug for now and bring out what God’s placed inside of you and if I’m not mistaken after reading proverbs 31, there should be many in pursuit of women such as yourself.
Hope this helps!
Hey Chech, first off I want to let you know that I’ve been reading your blogs and I like your deep thoughts about the Lord and your overall perspective in life. I’ve come to admire the passion with which you write your blogs.
Reading this blog surprises me that at 22.5 you have begun to hear comments and suggestions about finding “someone”. I’m sure you have so much more experience in life and are wiser than I am. And, I did not state the previous line as a euphemistic line to say that you are older than I am. I have seen and talked to you and know how you are.
I could try to think of random moments and conjure up a faint memory of something where I could boldly say I can relate to your situation. However, I can’t. I can only say that I have some thoughts on the matter too.
I like the way how you closed the blog. You are definitely living out for God and perhaps the society and your community would pressure you into settling with a man but don’t give in until God brings you to that PERSON he is truly preparing you for and who is being prepared for you. HE does everything beautifully and wonderfully. Right now, you have been called to be single and serving the LORD. Tomorrow, you may be still single and serving God or you may be a wife and still serving God. What matters is that you are serving the Lord and standing like you are today for HIM. I’m sure God will bring what He desires for you in your life. I just wanted to say I love you Brych and that I will pray that the Lord will guide your way to everything ahead of you.
Love and Prayers,
Your cousin from NC. :)