MAC + Rant

Last night there was hail.  Today, there was rain.  For those of you who know me, I LOVE rain- all types of it- heavy pouring rain to the little drizzles.  I was ready to go to my internship this morning and y dad was nice enough to drop me off to the train station to avoid getting more wet than I need to.  While I was on the train, the rain was drizzly, but nothing too bad.  As I got off the train the drizzle started to turn into an all out war between sky and the ground, and the sky was winning-hands down.  I was VERY thankful I wore my poka-dot-rain-boots (BTW: they are AWESOME!) knowing that there were probably going to be numerous puddles throughout campus.  Unfortunately, I did not have an umbrella.  I usually carry one in my bag at all times, but for some reason, it was not in my bag today.  So, I walked through the campus through the treacherous rain for about 10 minutes before  I got to work.

I was a bit worried while I was walking and my worry is kind of silly- and VERY girly.  I was worried the make-up I put on this morning would be smeared and gross looking by the time I got to work.  As I walked into I work, I headed straight to the bathroom to do any touch-ups and reapplying of the makeup and much to my surprise… nothing was smeared, running, or looked bad.  It was as though I did not walk in the rain.  However, every other part of me,  hair, coat, pants, were ALL wet!  I looked like I got out of a shower with my clothes on.

So a big thank you and shout out to MAC Cosmetics.  I don’t wear a lot of make-up but when I do, I can always count on you to make me feel pretty, even when it rains :D

A random rant:

I am getting really frustrated with my guitar- Jeremiah (that’s His name, and yes, its a boy!).  It’s an Jasmine Takamine guitar that is probably about as old as me if not older.  I got it as a gift when I first started playing 6 years ago, and I am thankful I had a guitar to play with while I began to learn the tricks and musicality of guitar-ring. The guitar was in pretty bad shape when I got it, warped wood, holes, high action, etc., but I was grateful to have something to play.  As I continue in my writing, I have begun to get frustrated with Jeremiah.  He’s sounding worse and worse everyday.  It’s really discouraging while writing and practicing for various things.  I now find myself moving to the piano a lot more, which is nice, but it’s not the same.

Here’s to hoping I one day get that pretty (and VERY expensive) guitar I play in my dreams in the near future.  *sigh*

The last two months…

I know I am late in saying this, but better late than never I say!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! Hope it’s a blessed one for you all!

The last two months of 2009 was a very difficult time for my family and myself.  I haven’t updated the blog during December because of all that was happening, and frankly, I didn’t know how to put what was going on and what I was feeling into words.  I think to really get over the hump, I gotta just let it out.

In November, we found out that my Ammachi (grandma- on my dad’s side) had stage 4 breast cancer.  The news made my heart sink to my stomach.  My mom told us that our plans to go to India in June 2010 to see her as to be pushed up, because that is not good news.  Moving the trip up would mean that I would miss a lot of the Christmas and youth fellowship festivities here in Chicago, but that didn’t matter at that point.  I was ready to jet a plane to see her.

We left on Dec 11th and got to India on Dec 13.  The flight was nice and getting to India was so surreal.  Reba, my younger sister, hadn’t been in India for 7 years, and Reny, the youngest sister, and I hadn’t been back to the motherland sine 2005… so it was nice to take it all in.  When we got to my dad’s house, my Ammachi was waiting for us… it was SO great to see her.  For a little less than 10 days, my family and I were able to spend some amazing time with her.  She would sing old songs, tell us stories (mostly about how mischievous my dad was :D), and laugh with us about everything.

Ammachi and Me the day of her Chemo treatment

Though she was in high spirits, she was really sick.  She couldn’t walk a few feet without wheezing and using a cane.  She did just about everything herself except taking a bath.  With how bad her cancer was, the doctors gave her the lowest treatment of chemo the Monday we got there.  From the 14th-20th of December, she was doing fine.  She had the side-effects from the chemo, but it was not THAT bad.

After one of my uncles left to go back to Kuwait on the 20th, my ammachi began to change.  She wasn’t her old self- she was definitely sad… like she knew her time was coming to a close.  When my uncle left, she cried- longer than usual when one of her kids leave- and asked me, “Will I ever see him again?”  I didn’t know what to say, I just hugged her.  She then began having difficulty with various things.

On the 21st, she began to get worse.. all of a sudden.  She became delirious, could not walk or hold her body up well… all things she could do before, but suddenly couldn’t do anymore.  At 11am we took her to the hospital thinking she would be back that evening.  The doctor asked for her to stay the night for observations.  My sisters and I along with my dad’s youngest sister Jessie Chechy (who is mentally handicapped), stayed at the house that night.  I was woken up early on the 22nd by Sarasamma (a person who helps around the house and lives with us) crying saying that Ammachy is getting worse.

My favorite picture of the whole trip taken on Dec 14, 2009... I miss her.

I woke up in total shock.  She was just fine, she was suppose to be back in the afternoon.. not get worse.  After talking to my dad, he told us that it was the final stage and that if we wanted to come to the hospital to see her, to come now.  Our cousin picked us up, and we went to go see her in the ICU.  There is only 1-2 people that could enter to see family, so my mom came with me.  I was the first of the sisters to see her… part of me wishes I never went to see her.  She had an oxygen mask, unconscious and coma-like, and gasping for breath.  I saw her and tears began to flow down my eyes.  It was so quick….  I spoke into her ear and told her I was there, and that everything was going to be ok and that I loved her.

My sisters and I saw her, and went back to the house.  We got home, they moved Ammachi to a private room, and gave her the last ceremonies given by the church.  She died on Dec 22, 2009 at 12:24m at the age of 78, with my dad and her one daughter by her side and a room full of her siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews, extended family and friends all singing and praising together.  She passed peacefully and did not suffer for a long time- something we as a family prayed for.

We buried her on December 26th and the days till the 26th was long and very draining.  It was probably the LONGEST 4 days of my life.  There were a minimum of 4 prayer meetings everyday at the house, and there was a lot of crying and weeping.  I was pretty strong for the most part.  Even when the brought the body to the house on the morning of the 26th… I teared up, but I knew she was in heaven and that she was probably laughing it up with Appacha (grandfather). She had been sick her whole life with asthma, diabetes, high blood pressure… etc.  It was her time to go… and she went peacefully.

I firmly believe that God let her live those 9-10 days to see us and spend time with us.  Of all the cousins and families, my family is the one that has seen her the least… and it was time for us to spend time with her.  We had the opportunity to serve her, be with her, laugh with her, and more.  Furthermore, my dad got to really spend some time with her and serve her till the very end- nothing short of a blessing fro above.  I thought I was “strong” for the most part; however, I lost it when I gave her the final kiss goodbye… All I thought was: “What is going to happen to our family?” “What is going to happen to Jessie Chechy?” “What is going to happen…?”

She was the beacon, the light, the glue of our family.. and now she is gone.

The Chicago women with Ammachi

I was really afraid of the future… but throughout the whole funeral process, I saw very clearly how much God’s hand was over everything.  All 12 brothers and sisters, dropped what the were doing and came to the funeral.  Of the 51 people in our family, (yes that the number in just my dad’s family) only 9 people did not come due to various reasons.  There was such togetherness, strength, faith, and love being spread in the midst of the sadness.  God protected us from all of Satan’s attacks, peoples unwanted and unnecessary talking, the weather, and even our own doubts.  He provided and protected… Praise God!

Though it was very sad, it was good to see just about everyone- and bond once again… like we’ve never been apart before.  I am blessed and so happy that I am part of a huge family.  My cousins range from the age of 28 to 5 months… and there is 28 of us in total… and counting (getting to 30 would be a nice solid number in my opinion!)

Right now, we are together and strong in the Lord because the love and prayers my Appacha and Ammachi showed to us.  They both were amazing examples of people who had complete faith in their Jesus, their God.. and now.. our God.  Who else in their right mind would have 12 kids in India, running a small business?  They knew their God was bigger than the words of doubts of the people around them… Their God was able.  Amen to their faith.

I end this blog off with some pictures of the cousins, family, and our trip in general to India…Enjoy the pictures, and please keep our family in your prayers.  This is a very vulnerable time, and Satan can easily attack… prayer and faith is all we have.

Mom, Reny, Reba and myself in an auto-ricksha

Placing Ammachi's picture on the bed in the living room before all the prayers begin.

My aunt and Ammachi celebrating their bithdays for the first time in November. Ammachi turned 78.

Joel, Vijin, and Abel... all three of them are big troublemakers :D

Vigin, Reny, Reba, Angela, Me, and Albin

Most of the cousins (there are 28 of us.. so there is a chunk mising) Lt to Rt: Vijin, Albin, Jessie Chechi, Sherin Chechi, Reba, Vini, Nissi, Me, Linda, Reny, Angela, Shibin Chacha, and on top Sherlyn Chechi, Nebin and Jebin

These are my dad's brothers! :D Only two brother-in-laws are in the picture and they are the second person to the left and right. They all look alike I know!

This is just my dad’s side of the family.  We were able to go to Rani, where my mom is from, and see some of my cousins, aunts, uncle, and of course my only living ammachi.  Here are a few pictures of them.

Febin and Feba: the youngest grandkids on my mom side- and I'm the oldest :)

The little ones- not so little anymore: From left- Feba, Febin, Jenny, Joel, and Jibin

Reba, Reny, and myself with our ammachi. They say Reny and I look a lot like our mom- we get her good looks from our ammachi :)

My mom's brother passed away in 2008 and his family is now living in Bombay. We really wanted to see them, so they came for a few days to Kerala. Because of ammachi's death, we didn't get to spend much time with them, but we had about two hours with them when they came over to my dad's place. This is Jerin (my mom's sisters son), Sneha, Narmadamamma, and Shinu. I was so glad we got to see them- even for a little bit. The little ones- my uncle's kids- remind me so much of him.

Sneha and Shinu with my dad

It was a VERY bittersweet trip… but in the midst of the bitterness and sweetness- God really protected His kids.  For that I’m thankful.  I don’t know if I will ever get over the loss- it is totally different from any of the other losses I have expereinced- but I am comforted in the fact that she is with Jesus and her legacy will live on through her kids and grandkids.

1 Thessalonians 4 (English Standard Version)

¹³But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. ¹⁴For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁵For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. ¹⁸Therefore encourage one another with these words.

New Moon

SO…. On November 19th, 2009, I was offered a chance to have a free movie and a dinner with my uncle, aunt, and sisters.  Of course, the main purpose of this outing was to see the midnight showing of New Moon.  It was mainly for my sister Reba and aunt who are DIE HARD fans of the Twilight Saga.

Let me preface the rest of this blog post by saying:

1. I will do just about anything for free food
2. I am NOT a fan of the Twilight series (YES, I read the first book and thought it was not so great)
3. I am NOT a fan of romantic movies in general… esp if the romance part of the movie is cheesy and unrealistically fast paced.

Now, with that said… I had an AMAZING dinner at this noodles place in Oak Park (I forgot what it was called), had dessert at Ben and Jerry’s,  and then I  reluctantly waited in the movie theater for about 2 hours to watched the movie.  The crazed “Team Jacob” and “Team Edward” fans (this includes my sister and aunt both wearing shirts that say this) came into the theater with great excitement and tween squealing.  Throughout the wait, I was just wishing I had a book to read.

I saw the first movie, and I was squirming in my seat and making many faces and noises of disgust (which annoyed my sister).  So as this movie began, I came at it with a critical eye and a huge bias that it would suck like the first one.  I have to say that after watching the movie, that it wasn’t terrible (it wasn’t amaizng either).  It was slow in the beginning, picked up a bit, and Taylor Lautner looked hot nice. :)  The theatre went CRAZY when Lautner appeared shirtless, which happened several times in the movie, and someone around me yelled “He’s 17 you petefiles”  I just HAD to laugh out loud, cause he really did look good, and it was kind of hard to beleive he was only 17- plus it’s a bit gross!

ANYWHOOO…from what I heard from my sister, it was pretty true to the book, which was not the case for the first movie, so I’m glad it did that.  The ending was MIGHTY cheesy, and I LAUGHED OUT LOUD when I saw Bella’s face after Edward asked her a question…

For the most part, it was a decent movie.  I don’t think I would have gone to see it if someone didn’t offer the ticket to me.  The movie did make me gag, and I don’t plan on buying the DVD.  I know this “review” isn’t spectacular, and I’m sure I upset MANY Twilight fans… but this is how I felt :)  I think it’s pretty good for a person who usually doesn’t watch movies like this :D

The bible in a year….

When we make New Years resolutions, we try really hard to keep up with it as far as we can.  I usually last a month and then I get back to bad habits and old routines.  This past year, I really wanted to read the whole bible, cover to cover, this year.  I think i set out this task every year, and I usually fail miserably…. I have read the book of Genesis MANY times :)

This year, it was a little different.  There was a bunch of people that I follow on twitter, and in my church community that wanted to take this task on.  Good friend and older brother Eddie C. took the initiative and made a spreadsheet on google docs (I LOVE GOOGLE) of our reading tasks for the year.  We just check of every time we read.  Not only were you helping yourself read through the bible, but you had others could others see your progress, and keep you accountable.  Looking through the list, it seems like some fell through the crack and others kept up with the reading.

Due to some family reasons, I won’t be in the states for some of December, and internet connection will be lacking… so updating the document will be difficult.  So…I am determined to finish the bible by December 10th!  I have 37 days worth of reading left!  I think I can totally do it.  School is slowing down a lot, and I usually read during my 1.5-2 hour commute to work… so I think its totally doable!

I really hope this works…

Reading.....

WISDOM

I get wisdom from all over the place: my parents, family, friends, co-workers, advisers, church leaders, books, lectures, etc.  I am pretty blessed to gain insightful, thought-provoking wisdom on a daily basis.   I know that seems hard to imagine, but in all the advice, rebuke, “talks” I have with people, I try to learn something from it.  It’s what I have been learning in school called the “Life Long Learning” process or being a “Life Long Learner.” Being a lifelong learner means, listening to others stories, learning from their mistakes and accomplishments, appreciating the value of others lives through interaction, and ultimately sharing it with others to learn.  A life long learning process :)

Anyway… today was no different.  I was having a very meh day with lots on my mind and God blessed me with some AWESOME girlfriends in my life, and two of them were just shooting wisdom left and right.  Some of the things they said were like “dah Briana, everyone knows that” and other were like… “WOW!” and eye-opening  I wanted to share these things with you, so you can share it with others.  I hope you are blessed by it.  (Disclaimer: they are in no real order, and they are from two conversations, so it is a bit random)

• Don’t ever forget the kindness someone shows towards you, even if its decades later.
• Christ would never guilt trip you at your weakest point.
• Prayer is the answer to everything.  When you pray it’s not to inform God something He doesn’t know already but its our form of submitting ourselves in His hands.  The more we rely, the more sincere we become, the clearer the answers will be,
• God wants us to fight for justice… always.
• Open up your eyes.  When your eyes are focused on your frustrations, they are not focused on where YOU CAN do something.
• When all the chaos in this world in our lives seems impossible to deal with, you have to realize that the answer isn’t you, the answer is Jesus.  Jesus in a broken situation, in broken trusts in broken relationships.  We have to love people like God loves us.

You girls know who you are!  Thank you for making my night make sense again in the midst of my frustrations and weakness.  I will not share their names cause they are ALL MINE! *insert evil laugh here* That is right, I am selfish about my girls :-D

Don’t forget to subscribe and comment on the blog… I’d love to hear from you!!!

I’m doing everything to distract myself from writing a paper… AWESOME!

A  big thank you to all who have read my blog recently.  I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement to continue writing and even received some great council on all the marriage stuff! :)  Just so everyone knows, I’m seeking God’s wisdom in my life, putting His kingdom perspective first before the worlds and my own.  I know the marriage post might have caused people to think I’m being bitter or doubtful about this whole process… let me assure you.. I have NO doubt in my mind in WHO is in control. :)

Now with that said… WAT UP BLOGGERS?!  I’ve been feeling under the weather lately, and am finally recovering from the sickies.  I am doing everything right now (including writing this blog post) to avoid a paper… I just don’t know where else to go from what I have written so far, so I’m taking a break :)

In my break, I have edited photos and will be uploading them on facebook.  I have also stared at my books (seen below) thinking maybe somehow I will get some sort of drive to write again… because I have not.. I shall post some pics on the blog :)

I need to write about Leadership... any thoughts?

A few weeks ago, I was able to attend a friends wedding.  Libu and Reeja asked me to sing for the wedding, and I gladly accepted!  It was a fun night with some really good people!  Here are some images of the night.

Jenny, Myself and Leena... my lovely girls!

Leju, the best man, breaking it down Michael Jackson style :)

Libu and Reeja on the dance floor!

This past weekend I was able to go to my friend Subin’s 24th birthday dinner at California Pizza Kitchen (CPK). It was really nice to catch up and hang with people I’ve known from high school and college.   I’ve known Subin since freshman year of high school, and our friendship has grown quite a bit since then.  It grew from an acquaintance/hi-bye relationship, to a  love/hate relationship… We both LOVE to HATE on each other :)  Happy Birthday Bro!

The crazy Kobe/Laker fan, and the Birthday Boy :)

CAKE!

Subin feeding his sister! I just HAD to put this up! Too adorable!

The group shot... we were the last people there at CPK!

Ok, I’ll get back to doing my paper… ORRRR I’ll make something to eat… :)

SIDE NOTE: New HIMYM and TBBT tonight!  YAY Monday night comedy!!!!!  So, I should get on this paper.. right? MAN!

Shawn and Susie

So this past weekend, I was able to attend my friends wedding in Michigan.  Shawn and Susie are wonderful people individually, and together they make such an adorable and wonderful couple.  I’ve heard their story from so many people, and God truly placed each other in their life for a bigger purpose.

Aside from going to the wedding I was able to reconnect with many of my friends out in D-Town!  I had such a wonderful time catching up and hanging with some pretty amazing people.  I can’t put to words how welcoming and loving they were to me.  I truly miss spending time with them.  Here are some pictures from the weekend for you to enjoy.

Susie and her Dad... GORGEOUS!

Shawn and Susie... THEIR MARRIED!!!

Me, Sincie, and Cibi after a LONG night of dancing

At church with Becky

Marriage…

I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time now.  I think today is the day to talk about it… its long.. and kind of all over the place.. so bear with me.

I’m 22 years old (22.5 to be exact :D) and I have been getting the “marriage” talk from my parents, community members, family, etc. for a while now.  My parents have always been atypical Indian parents.  They told me since I was 18 to find a boyfriend, get to know guys, and such.  I think them giving me the “OK” to date made me not want to, but I think I was just living life, and finding who I was/am as a woman before adding another person to that mix.  I’m sure there were many other factors, but I was just not THAT interested.

I can say that having a boyfriend, and being in a relationship has never been the most important thing in my life.  Don’t get me wrong, I have seriously liked boys (ok it was like one person :P) , and there were moments I wanted to be in relationships because the lonelyness sucked so much.  But I think I never acted on any of those urges because I feared what would happen to me, to the person, and frankly… I was afraid of the commitment (yes, a girl CAN be afraid of commitment).  I knew I could openly tell my parents what was going on, and I knew that I wouldn’t get “in trouble” by them… but I think I knew deep inside that I wasn’t ready.

I am SO thankful God saved me from much of the heartache during my high school and teenage years.  During those moments, it sucked being the single friend, but I was SO not into the drama that came with young “love.”  I look back, and I see how lucky I was to be protected like that.  It was nothing I did, it was nothing I said, it was God just being very persistent with my heart and giving me MUCH grace and mercy through the growing up process.

So for 22.5  years I have been single :D, and I am proud to say that I have survived.  Now… its starting to get a little difficult to be just single girl in our Indian community.  I love my family and friends, but the pressures to find someone, get married, and start a family have been getting to me.  Does that sound crazy to anyone else, or is it just me? START A FAMILY!!??

THAT is such a HUGE statement… family!  I had a conversation with my friend Lejini, and from this conversation, I was just reminded how NOT ready I am for a relationship.  I have so much to work on.  Here are some things we thought of (most of it was Lejini’s wisdom): learning how to cook (like really cook different meals- same ole meal won’t cut it), manage my finances, learn how to live on a budget, manage work (real full-time work) with family responsibilities, time management, and many more.

Now I know I won’t learn EVERYTHING or perfect everything by the time I find someone or even get married; a lot of these will be learned in the process and throughout marriage.  Anyway… after that conversation with Lej, I was just overwhelmed with these thoughts and started gaining this new perspective: I gotta do my part and start preparing.  Not like I was preparing before, but ACTIVLEY preparing… knowing full well that one day I will be in a relationship that should eventually lead to marriage.  Now this could happen within the year- ten years from now.  I have no issue with the time… but my parents do :)

So with that said… I think its fair to say marriage is just a scary thought.  I have a lot of friends that are getting married, and its hard to think that there is purpose in waiting, and purpose in being single when marriage and the talk of weddings and relationships are all around you… THERE IS PURPOSE!!!! You gotta be the best you can be for your future spouse… not perfect, but the best you can offer them through God’s grace.

Now, I’m sure my outlook on waiting patiently might not bring me “the guy” as quickly as my parents or the community wants me to… but you know what… I can say this with confidence that I am not living for them. I love them, I love them with all my heart… but I live for something bigger and better than me.  It’s been so hard living back at home and dealing with the pressures everyday, but I’m getting by, and I have some AMAZING people in my life who support and understand what I’m going through, even if they are the ones pressuring me :)

so as a good friend once said: “i’m glad i’m still searching, cuz i’m still actively preparing”

Here’s to preparing and waiting on God’s time wisely.

The Fray- September 13, 2009

So a few friends of mine and I went to go see The Fray earlier this month!  I have tried many a times to cover this band.. and failed!  But I must say, they are just amazing live!  I have my reasons to love them… some personal… others just musical.  They are amazing, so CHECK THEM OUT if you haven’t seen them live.

After the concert, my friends Rincey, Leena and I did a bit of a stake out to meet them.  We were unsuccessful, but we got pretty close to meeting them.  You can read about our adventure on Rincey’s blog, cause I can’t even put it into words weeks later :-)  It’s a long post, but DEF worth the read :-)

Ok, I’m off to write some music… or attempt to. Here’s to hoping for some success!

Labor Day Trip to Dallas :-)

This past Labor Day Weekend, my family and I decided to go out to Dallas!  It was a last minute trip, we found cheap tickets and it just happened!  We go to Dallas pretty frequently.  My dad’s younger brother lives out there, and they recently had a baby girl two months ago.  Seeing them in any capacity is the highlight of our year!  The kids make my parents feel young, and being around them really gives my sisters and I a closer sense of family that we have never experienced.  It’s hard to describe that feeling, but I can say that I am blessed every time I see them.

Here are some pictures of my babies!  They are adorable! :-)

Rayna and Me: They say we look a like. Do you see it?

Joel- He's our little prince

Riya: She is just beautiful

I’ll leave you all with my favorite picture.  It’s not the best quality, but Joel is just PRICELESS in it!

Joel Praying... Really Hard! :-)